The Carousel and the Imminent Wall

I recently made a profile on this window shopping iphone app called “Let’s Date“.  My inspiration for this was testimony from my good friend the Reverend, who has had quite a bit of success with the app after the new years.  He lives in SoCal where the app is actually active.  There are not many users for my locale, however, I do get a kick out of browsing it.  It is truly window shopping at it’s finest.

The app authenticates off of Facebook and requires potential users to have a certain number of friends in order to deem them “real.”  It then takes information from your FB profile and populates your “card”.  There is the typical headline field, as well as your likes under the categories of movies, music, books, tv, etc.  The app also has you answer a series of optional questions that are multiple choice.   Age, height, body type, diet, politics, religion, drug use, cigarettes, booze, weed, sex, and kink factor are the main categories.   Some even include humorous answers such as under the booze category, one can choose “Don Draper Train Wreck.”  Under the category sex you can choose “I’m up for it, If you get me drunk, If we get along and there’s spark, If we get into a relationship, if we get married.”

In order to more accurately take your temperature with your thumb, a section where you can choose up to three of these quick memes for “My idea of a good time”, exists.   Of course they didn’t have my option of “Glassy Eyed howling at the moon” or “let’s tell my intensely religious neighbor that I was possessed by two demons and now it’s trying to take me over.”    The categories they have are the usual, go to a show, read, dinner, clubbing, hiking, movies, internet, and the all too cliche “when I got out, anything can happen.”   The latter is the most commonly seen idea of a good time, and I can guarantee that the majority of those claiming extreme spontaneity are not interesting.  But I digress…

The final generalization you can give to your window shopping potential dates is a series of categories that include hobbies, likes, and stereotypes.  Things like hipster, foodie, music snob, team edward, fist my sister, hedonist, and the list goes on and on.  I think mine says “Music snob, dog person, night owl, runner.”   But really all the app comes down to is browsing through and clicking a button that pretty much means, would bang, would not bang.  If one clicks would bang and the would bangee (Star Trek race?) clicks would bang on you, then you get a notification from the app that says “You should ask Shaniqua out.”  The app then goes on to suggest a time and place. You get the options “Ask out, decline, change.”  However it is only a suggestion.

I recall a recent message I got from a “would bangee” that first said “hi” then she followed up with “Dinner this week is a little soon for me.”  Now, I didn’t ask this chick out to dinner, nor would I in the first place, so I responded saying that its the app and that I didn’t ask.  She then responds with “Oh good, if you had I would have thought you’re a creeper.”  Dafuk?  Seriously, I am full on amazed this 7 has the nerve to call someone creepy for suggesting a date on a dating website.  The nerve of someone actually using a dating site to arrange dates.  I do have pity on the poor unsuspecting sap who asks this warbeast out before going through the niceties of text conversation.  I didn’t respond, however I do feel the urge to set her straight.  My efforts are better spent in other areas.  Plus the online thing, for me at least, is a cop out from talking to new girls in real life.

Yes, I haven’t addressed the title of this post, and you will find I am not going dive very far into that hole.  I just happened across this gem from a Let’s Date girl, middle thirties, pretty cute, but she likes dubstep and that alone is a deal breaker for me.  However, that is not what I want to illuminate here.  This chick is pretty aware of the wall that is approaching her soon to be barren fertility.

“Since we’ve gone through the 2012 portal, or whatever it means to you, it seems things have come full circle on a karmic level.  Is it just me?  Careless, selfish energy put out years ago is biting me on the neck.  It makes me want to embrace the humility and apologize profusely to the nice men I’ve wronged.  Soooooooooorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy!”

Is it just me? No sweetie, there are many like you who chose hedonistic behaviors over securing a good mate during your sexual peak.

Careless, selfish energy put out years ago is biting me on the neck.  Translation:  Being a selfish cock jumper in my past has now left me fighting my cat lady like tendencies in hopes of finally finding a nice guy.

It makes me want to embrace the humility and apologize profusely to the nice men I’ve wronged.  This is what’s truly sad about this girls situation.  No matter what she says, how she acts, or how much she vows she’s changed and feels bad, she will never garner unconditional love, respect and trust out of “the nice men” she’s wronged.  At least that’s how it wells up in me when I think back to Ms. Marriage and our two years of torture passion.  She cheated on me in the end, and then was upset I when I kicked her to the curb.  I remember a year later, she was going through some health things, and called me up.  I talked to her, got off the phone, and went about my business.  She was living with her current boyfriend.  She sends me a text saying “I was wondering if you’d be willing to see me again?”

My response?

“Are you asking if I’m still down to hit it?”

At that point, that is all they are worth, if that.  And honestly, for those broads that I ended up messed up over, I don’t give them the luxury of my presence any longer.  They lost rights to the Rojo’s Blue Room.

Single Mom Whisperer

With all this self improvement stuff I’ve been doing, I’ve been getting fit and in shape with a quickness.  I’ve dropped around 35 pounds.  My pant size has changed from a 42 to a 36.  I am wearing size large shirts instead of double XL.  I purchased a basic consultation from Tanner at Masculine-Style and started wearing better fitting clothes and colors that compliment my complexion.  I have an abundance of good inner feelings and this gets projected through my interactions with people through my day to day.  It’s crazy to think that for 13 years of my life I was taking mind altering, prescribed medication to alleviate what I can only attribute to a lack of nutrition.  I thought I ate well, but I had no idea.

About three months ago, I hooked up with a young single mom.  We had a good time, and like Danny says he always does, I was completely upfront with her.  See, I’ve had a few LTR’s and received my share of lumps.  I might go into those further in a future post, but I feel that rehashing my previous betatude is not necessarily beneficial to my psyche.  The most I will say at this point, is I look back on that guy, and I think, WTF!?!?!  Anyhow, I told Carrie that I’m not interested in an LTR and basically just want to have a good time.  That is what we had, no regrets about it.  However, all that had to come to a grinding halt, as Carrie explained in a text message; “I’m getting older and I want a partner, you are perfectly happy being alone.  I care about you a lot but I want more than you are willing to give me.”  I told her she needs to do what makes her happy.  No big deal. It might not be the end, but it’s a possible permanent hiatus.

About three weeks ago, I was on my way to do some work and I saw this cute blonde sitting in our waiting room.  I don’t know exactly why, but I was extremely drawn to this girl.  I see attractive girls every day, but I was like, “damn I want to talk to her.”   Which felt cool, because like I said, I see attractive girls daily but am not inexplicably drawn to them.  Also, this girl was totally not my type, I am usually akin to brunette, petite, olive skinned girls.  This girl was just a little shorter than me, blonde with a unique hairstyle that I am not a fan of.  Strange how the nature of attraction works.  I sent her a smile and moved on to get to work hoping to run into her later.  Of course, I didn’t see her later.  He who hesitates masturbates.

A few days ago, I got a call saying something needed attention in our other building.  I took my time getting over there and when I walk in, I see Blondie sitting there again.  I smiled at her and went in to do some work.  I walk in and am greeted by our three employees saying that Blondie was asking about me and what not.  Honestly, I was a little embarrassed, but I went out and introduced myself and gave her my number.  Turns out she’s a single mom. I was a bit bummed on this.  I asked a couple cats about why I’m a single mom magnet, and Danny said “You’re a single mom magnet? SO WHAT?”  and he’s right.  I’m not looking to wife these chicks up so I might has well just have a good time.  Danny said “dude, as long as you’re honest with a woman from the jump….you are NOT liable for her emotional bullshit down the line. she WILL agree at first thinking she can win you over.”  That is complete truth and I have witnessed it plenty in my history.

When it comes down it, I’m a bit older and the girls I meet, due to my business, and location are more often than not, mothers.  Even the younger ones.  Seems this just the way it is in our day and age.  However, more to note in this post is the dedication to self improvement has turned me around from being an unkempt Johnny Neutron type into a desirable male.  Even Carrie commented “I love how manly you are, I can’t remember the last time I met someone like that.”  Game, set, match.

If she doesn’t get you, you’re in for trouble

I spent the weekend fishing and hiking up in the Sierras with my folks, god bless them.  They’re good people and did their best at bringing me up. That aside, my Mom is always asking when I’m going to meet a nice girl, if I’ve met someone, etc.  They know inherently that I won’t ever settle down, it’s never been in my nature.  I’ve tried.  We had a long conversation about Dating 2.0 (hat tip: PrivateMan), the few LTR’s I have been in, and their own marriage.  They have been married over thirty years.  They are also a key example of what I hope to illustrate in this post.

I’m not sure how it began, I think something along the lines of being questioned about the last girl I was seeing.  Anyhow, I began in on how I recognized what ultimately lead to the disintegration of two LTR’s I was involved in.  These were two, two year relationships.  In the first one, I was dumped, in the second one, I did the dumping.  The thing is though, they started off great.  However, by the second year and about half way through things fell apart.  I saw the reason behind this as the girls who I was involved with, didn’t take me for me.  They wanted to change me, they didn’t like my hobbies, and they actively criticized me for them.  It effected me in the way, I didn’t write music, and I was unhappy.  However, with the scarcity complex I had developed, I didn’t shed myself of the deafening drone of discontent that resonated between us.  Also, I had gone to base my happiness and contentment on the status of the relationship I was in.  When the girl was upset, or mad at me, it effected me to the point where I was no fun to be around.  Talk about pedestalizing.  Instead of putting myself first, my family first, I put her first.  Which ultimately resulted in the girl losing sexual interest in me due to her instinctual loathing of supplicating betatude.

I used my folks as examples to get them to feel my point.  My Mom is a firecracker.  She’s Italian, and thus very stubborn.  My Pops however, is laid back.  They are quite opposite in those aspects.  When my Mom is on a rampage, it never breaks my Pops frame.  He’s often commented to me in passing “Your Mom is pissed at me, I don’t know why.”  But he doesn’t try to appease her, he lets her steam it out, and she always comes back around.  I asked them about their initial courtship.  My Pops listed my Moms beauty as his factor is asking her out.  She accepted because she liked his personality.  He was bold, funny, and charming.  Moms had a major bitch shield though and on a first Halloween when my Pops was trying to go to her apartment she told her, “What do you think you’re doing, you’re not coming in.”  He said, “Ok.” turned and left.  Radio silence for 3 days or something.  She then went back to him saying she had made a mistake, the rest is history.

My Pops never let himself get rattled by my Mom’s tests, or indignation.  He just rolled with it because he’s one cool cat.  If I had half the insight into how they were with each other when I first started dating, I would have been a lot better off, but I had been trained to put the woman first.  I remember not understanding why my Pops wasn’t doing certain things, like trying to get on her good side.  The reason was, He was always on her good side because he didn’t break his frame.  It’s his world and she gets to walk through with him.  Pretty cool insight for me at least.

I think back to somethings that my Pops had done:

A christmas or birthday card to my Mom with a poem on it, that ended with the lines “So now that you’ve read this, I want you to know, that now and until forever, you’ll always be my ho”  Which she gleefully read aloud to us kids, and couldn’t believe that he wrote that.

Getting wicked drunk the night before mothers day and going Salmon fishing the next morning.

I remember we made mudslides on a holiday and my mom was getting wasted, and she asked for another, one of us said “I don’t think you should have another.”  My Pops goes “DON’T YOU EVER DENY YOUR MOTHER A DRINK.”

My brothers bachelor party, he was legend.  Everyone was getting shitfaced, and were well into that territory.  The strippers had come and gone, and right after they left, my brothers friend is saying to me, “you know you’re dad is a bad ass.”  He slurs out from the other side of the room, “LETS START DRINKING.”  It was hilarious.

In fact, now that I think about it, we’ve gone fishing on many Mother’s day mornings.

Anyhow, this ended up being quite disorganized and my thoughts ramble, but I hope you can pull something out of it.  The conversation was a week ago and I had hoped to make a few more points, but this is all I got.