Alright. That last post was just a little touchy feely. Especially the poem, but hey, if I’m going have an honest go at this shit, I have to be honest. Thus, in my drunken escapades on the day before St. Patrick’s, after having my old pet jump my memory beacon for a minute, I decided to pour dranks down my throat for her. I really don’t need any excuse to drink, ever, but I will use the most convenient one.
So I went out on the town Saturday. I did so because I had to work early Monday (including gym before work) and there had already been comments that I was expected to be wrecked from a hangover that morning. That’s what they expect of an Irishman. Little do they know, I don’t get hangovers. That’s a post for another day.
It was a real cavalcade of perversions as it seemed everyone in the city was out getting tossed. Knowing firsthand my introverted tendencies and ability to not say a fucking word to anybody for an extended period of time, I decided to get higher than giraffe pussy prior to going to midtown for this pub crawl. (I have a post on how to achieve that cerebral state without smoking coming up in a few days.) I’ve never been on a pub crawl and this was complete clown shoe madness. It definitely did not entail anything to write home about. In summation, I would liken it to a green Halloween. There were bro’s bro’in it up, beezies being sleazy, cougars getting pervy and fatties getting bold. Basically an occupy drunk street whilst sloshed out of your shoes. Yay.
One of our stops was a joint that isn’t one of my favorites. However, I hadn’t seen the Jessica Biel look-alike bartender. She wasn’t hard on the eyes, then I saw the signs. Now, I use the term single mom, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s single. Swallowing that red pill (which seems more like choking down some soured mind fuck, even if it makes sense) means I know better than to trust the virtues of any girl. Shit, I know that for myself. So for the purposes of this list I mean a chick who has reared and/or is rearing a child or children out of wedlock. I’m sure these could apply to married moms too, but let’s just have a go at it, shall we?
She might be a single mom if she isn’t wearing a ring.
She might be a single mom if she has stretch marks on her titties.
She might be a single mom if she is consistently looking for a sitter for weekend nights.
She might be a single mom if her children are her life.
She might be a single mom if she NEVER has ANY time.
She might be a single mom if she has regular party nights and or weekends “free.”
She might be a single mom if she has a curfew to be at the “sitters.”
She might be a single mom if she posts about earning her scars on facebook
She might be a single mom is she has smug facebook posts about her daily i
nane shit that wouldn’t matter if she used a condom accomplishments.
She might be a single mom if she needs to find herself.
She might be a single mom if she goes to bars alone.
She might be a single mom if she’s suddenly into females. (Read, dicklover turned lesbo. Maybe this is just a California thing.)
She might be a single mom if she’s fucking me.
How about you readers? Any giveaways you can think of?