The Carousel and the Imminent Wall

I recently made a profile on this window shopping iphone app called “Let’s Date“.  My inspiration for this was testimony from my good friend the Reverend, who has had quite a bit of success with the app after the new years.  He lives in SoCal where the app is actually active.  There are not many users for my locale, however, I do get a kick out of browsing it.  It is truly window shopping at it’s finest.

The app authenticates off of Facebook and requires potential users to have a certain number of friends in order to deem them “real.”  It then takes information from your FB profile and populates your “card”.  There is the typical headline field, as well as your likes under the categories of movies, music, books, tv, etc.  The app also has you answer a series of optional questions that are multiple choice.   Age, height, body type, diet, politics, religion, drug use, cigarettes, booze, weed, sex, and kink factor are the main categories.   Some even include humorous answers such as under the booze category, one can choose “Don Draper Train Wreck.”  Under the category sex you can choose “I’m up for it, If you get me drunk, If we get along and there’s spark, If we get into a relationship, if we get married.”

In order to more accurately take your temperature with your thumb, a section where you can choose up to three of these quick memes for “My idea of a good time”, exists.   Of course they didn’t have my option of “Glassy Eyed howling at the moon” or “let’s tell my intensely religious neighbor that I was possessed by two demons and now it’s trying to take me over.”    The categories they have are the usual, go to a show, read, dinner, clubbing, hiking, movies, internet, and the all too cliche “when I got out, anything can happen.”   The latter is the most commonly seen idea of a good time, and I can guarantee that the majority of those claiming extreme spontaneity are not interesting.  But I digress…

The final generalization you can give to your window shopping potential dates is a series of categories that include hobbies, likes, and stereotypes.  Things like hipster, foodie, music snob, team edward, fist my sister, hedonist, and the list goes on and on.  I think mine says “Music snob, dog person, night owl, runner.”   But really all the app comes down to is browsing through and clicking a button that pretty much means, would bang, would not bang.  If one clicks would bang and the would bangee (Star Trek race?) clicks would bang on you, then you get a notification from the app that says “You should ask Shaniqua out.”  The app then goes on to suggest a time and place. You get the options “Ask out, decline, change.”  However it is only a suggestion.

I recall a recent message I got from a “would bangee” that first said “hi” then she followed up with “Dinner this week is a little soon for me.”  Now, I didn’t ask this chick out to dinner, nor would I in the first place, so I responded saying that its the app and that I didn’t ask.  She then responds with “Oh good, if you had I would have thought you’re a creeper.”  Dafuk?  Seriously, I am full on amazed this 7 has the nerve to call someone creepy for suggesting a date on a dating website.  The nerve of someone actually using a dating site to arrange dates.  I do have pity on the poor unsuspecting sap who asks this warbeast out before going through the niceties of text conversation.  I didn’t respond, however I do feel the urge to set her straight.  My efforts are better spent in other areas.  Plus the online thing, for me at least, is a cop out from talking to new girls in real life.

Yes, I haven’t addressed the title of this post, and you will find I am not going dive very far into that hole.  I just happened across this gem from a Let’s Date girl, middle thirties, pretty cute, but she likes dubstep and that alone is a deal breaker for me.  However, that is not what I want to illuminate here.  This chick is pretty aware of the wall that is approaching her soon to be barren fertility.

“Since we’ve gone through the 2012 portal, or whatever it means to you, it seems things have come full circle on a karmic level.  Is it just me?  Careless, selfish energy put out years ago is biting me on the neck.  It makes me want to embrace the humility and apologize profusely to the nice men I’ve wronged.  Soooooooooorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy!”

Is it just me? No sweetie, there are many like you who chose hedonistic behaviors over securing a good mate during your sexual peak.

Careless, selfish energy put out years ago is biting me on the neck.  Translation:  Being a selfish cock jumper in my past has now left me fighting my cat lady like tendencies in hopes of finally finding a nice guy.

It makes me want to embrace the humility and apologize profusely to the nice men I’ve wronged.  This is what’s truly sad about this girls situation.  No matter what she says, how she acts, or how much she vows she’s changed and feels bad, she will never garner unconditional love, respect and trust out of “the nice men” she’s wronged.  At least that’s how it wells up in me when I think back to Ms. Marriage and our two years of torture passion.  She cheated on me in the end, and then was upset I when I kicked her to the curb.  I remember a year later, she was going through some health things, and called me up.  I talked to her, got off the phone, and went about my business.  She was living with her current boyfriend.  She sends me a text saying “I was wondering if you’d be willing to see me again?”

My response?

“Are you asking if I’m still down to hit it?”

At that point, that is all they are worth, if that.  And honestly, for those broads that I ended up messed up over, I don’t give them the luxury of my presence any longer.  They lost rights to the Rojo’s Blue Room.


I bet you have something to say about that, go ahead, do it here.

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