Blue Pill Poem

Found this in an old folder from about 5 years ago, this is what I am not doing anymore.  I do recall this day, it is pretty vivid in my memory as I think I was in a rough spot at the time mentally and I recall being on this bench in the middle of winter.  All my lack of movement and hesitation was instilled in a lack of confidence.  I had been dumped a month or so prior  after a 2+ year stretch, I was on and off meds throughout those years so I considered myself mentally unstable.  I was not comfortable with myself and inside my head bounced thoughts of self doubt to self hate in rapid succession.  I couldn’t even bring myself to say “hi” to this girl even though she was showing she was open to it.  Lesson learned.

“Tea Time”

Out of my head and into my mouth
Invisible muzzle and straight jacket

locking my appendages and my heart
in the grips of insanity

Pinning myself to the dark
during the brightest day

with the cold wind blowing
through the bustling street.

And all I can do
though I want to do so much more

Is try to smile

as she walks by
and smiles at me again.

As I stare at my feet
and smoke a cigarette

between sips of coffee.

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4 thoughts on “Blue Pill Poem

    • I know, I look back at some of the stuff I wrote, not only in poem form, but emails, etc and I don’t even know who that fucking guy is. I can’t imagine saying / writing some of that stuff now.

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