A source of violence

I got written up at work the other day for workplace violence  / harassment.  I know you’re thinking what the fuck could this dude be up to that he’d get accused of such a charge.  I’m not a violent cat.  I don’t often get in altercations and definitely not at work.  I keep work light and easy.  I crack jokes when I can but otherwise, I do my job and keep to myself.

From the day I got there I formed a sort of teasing relationship with one of my femme co-workers.  She’d tease me, I’d tease her back.  It was mutual, except often I’d get to her to say things like “OOOOh! I just want to hit you.”  Or she’d tell me she hates me while laughing hysterically.  She had invited me on a weekend trip to a gambling town, and also invited me to go snowboarding twice.  I declined because I don’t shit where I eat, and being new to the job / town I can find tail better places than the joint that provides me with my income.

Thursday night I was over at my homey’s house tracking vocals for our demo / press kit.  His daughter has some goofy friends and one is quite good at drawing.  She had a picture on the fridge with something along the lines of “I hope your tumbler gets deleted.” and farther down on the page a cartoonish picture of someone punching someone else in the face.  It read “This is me hitting _____ I hope she gets put in a blender.”  Now me being a completely compulsive idiot sometimes,. saw this and went I should text it to ____…  The names were the same.  So I take a picture of it, send it to ____ with the words “what did you do?”.  She thinks it’s from work, she calls, I tell I found it on homeys fridge, it has nothing to do with her, and I didn’t draw it.  She’s laughing and I don’t think anything of it.  Well the next day I get called into HR and asked if I need to tell her anything about the day before.  I didn’t have any clue, but it dawned on me after she said “what about the hours between 7PM and 9PM” which were not during my work hours.

Apparently, according to our HR manager, harassment and what not extends through the day into evening even when one is not on the clock.   The law cares not about intent.  It doesn’t even matter.  So even though I have an outside work relationship with this chick, she can call HR on me for anything I do outside of hours if she so chooses.  She could say I grabbed her ass and I’d be with a lack of resource to defend myself.

Needless to say, I learned a lesson here, and that is straighten the fuck up at work and don’t socialize with my peers in any sort of manner.  My understanding of sexual harassment etc is that if he or she asks you to stop and you do it again, that’s harassment.  Chick didn’t say “I’m upset, that was fucked up.”  No she didn’t do anything of the like.  She just up and ran to HR and ratted me out as a threat.  There was a major lack of congruence here.

I’m all for respect at the workplace, not sexually objectifying the female help, but this is absurd.   Lessons learned, bridges burned.  Deleted her number (which she gave me) and blocked her on social sites.  Fuck that shit.

All my ghosts

I was driving across the valley floor, going past a scene of gore, something that had ended here ,then I stopped in at a porno store. And I found among the pictures there a vision that was very fair. Just a moment from yesteryear.” – Frank Black and the Catholics “All my ghosts”

I used to have a challenge figuring out why to get out of bed.  Some weekends I would sleep for 36 hours or so.  That’s not  a problem anymore.  One of the things I realized, and that has occurred to me throughout the years, but had never embraced, is that I am the master of my domain and I get to decide what changes and what remains.

With all the weight I gained, I developed sleep apnea.  My sleep was so poor I was getting only about 45 minutes to an hour of deep sleep a night.  There was no energy in me at anytime.  I would fall asleep at my desk at work on a daily basis.  It was terrible.  No exercise, barely any energy, I had become sloth.  I truly wanted to do something else, I just couldn’t seem to manage a regular exercise schedule due to fatigue, and frankly a lack of will.  All that changed when I got a machine that keeps a continuous flow of air that keeps soft tissues in my skull from collapsing my air passage.  Instead of falling asleep when I come home for work, I have energy through the entire day.  I hated sleep, but now I get up and work out.  I run with my dog 3 days a week.  I take long bike rides (did 30 miles last Saturday.) Nothing is going to change my physical state for me, and I want to feel good about how I look, thus I have to continue to push myself to be active and eat right.

Self honesty was another factor.  “You’re that guy, who let himself go.  You quit before you even began.”  That’s one of the many self hating thoughts that would run through my head on the regular.  I would lie to myself about everything really.  Especially my dry spell.  I have a dark past, but that didn’t mean I was celibate.  My notch count is high compared to the average guy.

Median number of female sexual partners in lifetime, for men 25-44 years of age, 2006-2008:

However I was pushing a nine months of unwanted celibacy until March 30th this year.  One of my longest spells yet.  I hooked with a 26 year old college chick for around a month. but she bugged the shit out of me and it really wasn’t worth the effort. Short hair, not workin here. She had a major entitlement complex, it’s common it seems.

I also recently stopped fapping.  Mostly due to seeing this video.  It’s been 15 days.  The only downside I can find is that the bell curve for the boner test seems have been made a bit more forgiving.